Director Michael Bay gives the middle finger to critics and unleashes “Bayhem” on a scale never before seen on film. Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a full on robot orgy of violence and destruction. It is a technical masterpiece, taking the IMAX and 3D formats soaring to a new standard. The plot is ludicrous, laughable actually, but who cares when you’re watching Chicago getting beaten to a pulp in the mother of all action scenes. I crucified Bay for the garbage that was Transformers 2, so expectations were criminally low for this sequel. I got what I expected. Bay decided to make a movie that exults his particular talent - pure, unadulterated, sweet action. It would have been nice if he trimmed forty minutes off the runtime. I guess he needed to pack in as many ass shots of Rosie Huntington-Whitely as possible.

MOVIEWEB VIDEO OF THE DAY

The film begins with the revelation that man’s mission to the moon was a secret cover up of alien life. As the Autobots lost the battle for Cybertron, their leader, Sentinel Prime (Leanord Nimoy), attempted to escape with an ultimate weapon. He was shot down and crash landed on the dark side of the moon. The Autobots must revive Sentinel Prime and prevent the Decepticons from using the weapon. But a deeper conspiracy is uncovered by Sam (Shia LaBeaouf) and his new girlfriend, Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely), that points to a secret alliance that could lead to the destruction of Earth.

Before I get into the marvels of the film’s technology, it has to be said that Michael Bay doesn’t have a clue how to direct women. The first shot we see of Carly, is her ass, bent over a sleeping Sam. Carly serves no purpose at all in the film except to look good, and get rescued. I thought the female lead was poorly done in Green Lantern. Bay deserves the gold medal for sexism with the way Carly is portrayed here. Megan Fox was infamously fired from this film weeks before shooting. Bay has insinuated that this order came directly from his boss, Producer Steven Spielberg, over comments she made.

I can understand Fox’s annoyance with her role in the franchise. None of these actresses have any talent, they’re obviously cast for their looks; but you would think in the 21st century they would at least attempt to fatten up their roles. Not here, boobies jiggling in slow motion is back and better than ever. Another thing that caught my eye was how every character is bloodied, bruised, and dirty…except for Carly. She’s pinup gorgeous from frame to frame. I’m sure this will raise eyebrows with some, but not the horny teenagers this film is geared to.

Back to the good, have I mentioned Shockwave yet? As a kid, Shockwave was my favorite toy. I was deeply concerned Shockwave would suck, as Devastator did in part two. No worries there, Shockwave is ridiculously awesome. I won’t spoil what he does, but it makes the movie. His character is an ass-kicking machine. There is a climactic battle between Optimus Prime and Shockwave that will blow you out of your chair. This movie could have been ninety percent garbage and still been entertaining with Shockwave alone.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon was shot in 3D with the IMAX camera. The film was not upconverted. I can honestly say, this may be the best looking action film to date. Visual effects have been damn good this summer, but there’s no comparison here. The battle in Chicago, which does go on for a bit long, is a wonder to behold. The level and depth of realism is par none. The 3D adds relativity of scope. The robots are gigantic. For the first time, we really see what an all out battle between machines of this size would do. Humans and buildings are pulverized in their wake. The sound effects are incredible as well. Transformers 3 is technically flawless. Audiences are going to be very impressed with the special effects. Spend the money and see it in IMAX.

Michael Bay attempts to go for depth with his exploration of Sam’s character, but it’s for show. This is all eye candy and robot beatdown. And that works, amazingly so. Strap yourselves in for the summer’s first, true popcorn film; unless you live in Chicago and get unnerved seeing your hometown utterly destroyed:)